Babies,babies everywhere, nor one for me :(

This week is a emotional roll-a-coaster for me. I heard not one, not two, not three...but 8 pregnancy announcements. Can't handle it right now. Most of them are not older than me and got married very later than me. I'm emotionally drained. I'm happy for them but not for me :(. This is very hard for me to digest. I'm not jealous person but seeing my own disablity makes me go down. I would have been 8 months if I hadn't been miscarried. I want my baby. God, please give me strength to go thru this...

Also I'm going thru this guilty feeling. DH's sperm is great and we do have good embryos. So the verdict is something is wrong with me. I wish I could make my DH a daddy. He is frustrated and understands my pain which makes him angry and he shows it to whom? To me :( Because he can't show it to anyone else not a topic to talk to anyone. I understand him but needs him emotionally. However when he himself needs emotional support, right now he is not the right person for my emotional needs.  I got a call from my friend last night saying she is 3 months. I lost it and couldn't sleep all night. I need to take this pain away. Please god, give me stregnth. I didn't do anything bad to anyone to go thru this....

Cycle is a bust

Well, I'm on my CD 25 and starting spotting from CD 23. Some bleeding on CD 24. So not doing biopsy this cycle. Again going for another pilot cycle with crione 2x a day. Not a happy camper  :(

CD 2

I got AF last night. I was expecting her on the weekend itself since I ovulated early(on cd 9). So I emailed my RE. Now I have to get my schedule for biopsy.

One of the blogs I visit often is Lisa and Brian. It is very sad to hear that they lost one of their twins Kelsey. How unfair is that? They went thru so much to have those babies just to lose one. I never met them, I don't know them but still I feel that I lost someone I know closely. It is very sad.

Wannabe, are you still around? How are you? What is next?

Emotional again!

I met RE week before last and he said the same. Going for biopsy next month and if it comes back normal do one more FET with crinone(sp?) or go for Fresh with PGD. Or if it abnormal then, goes back for more hormones. I try to be positive and say myself positive stuff but I'm depressed right now. I don't know I feel very empty now and frustrated. I'm scared that I won't be able to have a baby of my own. This is most painful thing that haunts me all thetime :( I wish I'm pregnant right now or have a baby. I don't think I'm asking for anything beyond ordinary. All I want is to have a baby of own. Please god! Give a baby to me.

Journey continues!

Today is CD 4. We will be doing endometrical biopsy this cycle and then one more cycle of FET. If that doesn't work then another fresh cycle + PGD. At this point, RE thinks it could be the embroys. But I doubt it. May be one or two might be bad out of 11. Not all of them will be bad. So I asked for the biopsy. There is another reason. This cycle I used preogestorone supps. I doubt that is good one for me since I got my periods immed after stopping it. On top of it I saw a tiny round grayish material on my pad. That's definetely my baby. So that proves embryo tried to implant but failed. We have an appt on Friday. Let's see what he says.

It is BFN

Right now I want to crawl and put my head into a hole and not get up

Feelings!

For past 2 days I can't think but of the embryos inside me. I pray to GOD each and every second that these embryos survive and beg to have my baby in 9 months. I'm very emotional too. I'm sad in a minute and next minute I feel happy. I'm sure progesterone playing a great role on it. Even a regular conversation brings tears. I wish Thursday comes sooner. Right now, I feel positive and I feel negative. So not sure what to expect. Hearing more and more people getting pregnant around me is not helping me . I really want to hold my baby. God, please give me strength to go thru this...