This past weekend was crazy. Had so many social gatherings and all of them involved with kids and pregnant women. Mostly under age of 5. It broke my heart to see those darling cuties and can't avoid the feeling that I don't have one yet. I kept asking myself will I ever have a baby of my own? I need one so badly and cuddle them and do stuffs with/for them. These feelings made me down a little. I hope my FET works this time. One of my good friends, asked whether I'm pregnant before my second miscarriage(the day after my first beta). I met her also. She told me I looked glowing. I wanted to tell her that I m/c'd but didn't. She is good friend and had no intentions to hurt me. When I think about it, I did show up signs very early(on 16DPO), I wish I didn't m/c. If I didn't I would have been 5 months pregnant and would have been a great present for DH's 40th B'day(my due would have been Nov as well as DH's B'day). Anyway, I know I have to eliminate these feeling and focus on the next one to work. Though I got over the whole thing pretty quick, sometimes it comes to me. Getting it over earlier helped me b/c if I didn't get over it, it would haunt me forever. I can do nothing to bring it back so I have to accept what had happened and can't let it ruin my life. I always think, everything happen for a reason. As believed in Hinduism, GOD is behind each and everything that is happening today, happened yesterday and will be happening tomorrow.
Wannabe, if you are lurking, please let me know how you are doing?
8 comments:
I understand how you feel. After our 3rd mc we decided we were going to be parents... no matter what. So, even if this donor cycle does not work, we will be parents because we will adopt. That took a lot of pressure off of me to perform. However, I really do want this to work and I want to have my husbands baby more than anything. But at least now I know that at the end of the day, no matter what we will be parents at some point.
Hey Shiner, I totally understand you. This is hard to go thru. I'm hoping for the best. I got my meds today. I'll be doing prog supps this time. I didn't like the cream that I used last time. Very hard to see whether it actually went in or not. When is your ER?
It is really hard to go through...hugs to you. My ER is planned for either the 21st, 22nd or 23rd, depending on how quickly she (donor) stimulates. At least you're doing the supps instead of the injections, that's what I had to do. I had bruises and knots on my butt for weeks. I am sorry you are hurting
So you will be a probably a week behind me. my ET is on 21st.
I know exactly how you feel. This morning my cousin sent me a video of her u/s. She is expecting in Oct and was so excited to share the video of her baby. And while I was happy and thrilled for them I couldn't help feeling left out and empty since I have nothing. It is painful but there's nothing we can do, right? Except may be hope. Don't give up hope. Keep the faith and things will work out. Someday.
As for me no one really knows what's going on with me. The beta started going up again and after few more tests they gave me methotrexate on Saturday. I guess I had an ectopic. A 4-5% chance and I end up getting that. Isn't that crazy?
Thanks so much for checking on me. I hope things go really well for you this time. Hugs!
OMG Wannabe. I'm so sorry to hear that. Those shots are hard I had to take it with my first one. I broke down when I was having it. So did you get your periods yet? Are they monitoring your HCG levels?
They are but it is weird. The beta went to 300 and then went down to 224 and then went back up to 390. They gave me the shot on Saturday and yesterday it was 400. I am hoping that next time it will start going down and things will be fine. I don't feel that great physically and emotionally I am a wreck. Its harder since I can't talk to my dh since he feels so responsible for this entire thing and I can't make him feel any worse.
Thank so much and good luck for your transfer.
Wannabe, I'm so sorry you go thru this. Please be strong. Defineltely you will have your baby one day. when I had my shot the RE told me for some people the HCG would go up a little before it goes down. So stay strong.
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